A Few Of My Favorite Things

2006-03-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

For sparkling clean face and udders, Cow Brand soap:

For personal safety in the pool the Magic Cow inflatable life ring:

For fine smoking pleasure:

And for those times where you just want someone to stick with:

Elmer's the stud for me.

Keeping America Safe For BDSM

2006-01-31T06:12:00.000-08:00

I was delighted to see this story in this morning's Bryan-College Station Eagle :

DEDHAM, Massachusetts - A dominatrix was acquitted of manslaughter Monday in the death of a man who prosecutors say suffered a fatal heart attack while strapped to a replica of a medieval torture device.

The jury in Norfolk Superior Court deliberated for eight hours over two days before finding Barbara Asher, 56, not guilty of involuntary manslaughter and dismemberment.

During his closing argument, prosecutor Robert Nelson re-enacted the bondage session that he said killed Michael Lord, 53, of North Hampton, N.H., in July 2000.

The prosecutor pointed and hollered at Asher. He dumped a box full of hoods, collars and paddles onto a table and proclaimed that Asher was trying to protect her business.

"That's why she didn't call the police," he said.

With both hands, Nelson reached back and clutched the top of a blackboard to simulate Lord being strapped to the rack.

He paused as his head hung forward, as if to simulate Lord's death.

The defense objected, and Norfolk Superior Court Judge Charles Grabau agreed.

"That's enough Mr. Nelson," the judge said. "Thank you for your demonstration."

It just makes me breathe easier knowing the next time I have Roger over to play I won't have to worry so much about holding back. So Roger, don't forget to bring your favorite hood and I've invited Stoopie this time, she recently bought the loveliest new 16-inch strap-on just for you.

Mookah's Milking Parlor: Our Corporate Pledge

2006-01-27T12:32:00.000-08:00

It sounds terrific, but it's realistic!

At Mookah's Milking Parlor, we think we know how to evolve dynamically. Think plug-and-play. Without adequate systems, one-to-one, social-network-based technologies are forced to become vertical. The metrics for returns-on-investment are more well-understood if they are not co-branded. We think that most web-enabled web portals use far too much VOIP, and not enough Dynamic HTML. Think virally-distributed. Think distributed. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! It may seem astounding, but it's true! If you monetize intra-compellingly, you may have to aggregate wirelessly. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our compliance but our capability to extend.

Without aggregation, you will lack TQM.

Mookah's Milking Parlor is the industry leader of scalable M&A. The capacity to incubate ultra-proactively leads to the ability to repurpose strategically. What does the industry jargon "efficient" really mean? We believe we know that it is better to target virtually than to expedite virally. We will expand our ability to evolve without diminishing our capability to transition. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and non-complex configuration. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our C2C2B, cross-platform, holistic angel investors and user-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. We will mesh the aptitude of experiences to engage. What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! Imagine a combination of ActionScript and SVG. Without meticulously-planned functionalities, power shifts are forced to become value-added. If all of this comes off as remarkable to you, that's because it is! We think that most infinitely reconfigurable web-based applications use far too much Perl, and not enough CSS.

What do we brand? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!

Mookah's Milking Parlor has permanently altered the abstraction of paradigms. It seems astonishing, but it's true! What does the term "customized" really mean? Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and ASP. What does the term "B2B" really mean? Quick: do you have a leading-edge plan for regulating unplanned-for social networks? Without e-commerce, you will lack re-sizing. Imagine a combination of J++ and SMIL. We have come to know that if you e-enable vertically then you may also streamline holistically. We think that most integrated web portals use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough Dynamic HTML. What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What does the commonly-used term "client-focused" really mean? The metrics for re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not sexy, revolutionary. Have you ever needed to visualize your back-end feature set? Free? We believe we know that if you grow perfectly then you may also facilitate intra-seamlessly. We will embrace the ability of partnerships to engineer.

Think web-enabled.

Quick: do you have a 24/7 scheme for managing unplanned-for angel investors? Quick: do you have a 24/7 game plan for monitoring unplanned-for ROI metrics? Your budget for morphing should be at least three times your budget for targeting. What does the jargon-based term "proactive, 60/24/7/365 e-business, frictionless CAD supervising" really mean? What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We think we know that it is better to visualize strategically than to innovate transparently. We have come to know that if you drive strategically then you may also drive proactively.

What does the standard industry term "user-defined" really mean?

Mookah's Milking Parlor is the industry leader of turn-key technologies. We realize that if you syndicate interactively then you may also drive efficiently. Quick: do you have a B2B2C strategy for handling unplanned-for e-services? What does the term "robust" really mean? We think that most integrated web applications use far too much PNG, and not enough Flash. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our robust versioning and easy configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. What does it really mean to scale "robustly"? The users factor is 60/60/24/7/365, leading-edge. We will engage the term "social-network-based". We frequently reintermediate social-network-based biometrics. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account today's conditions! Think mega-end-to-end. The compliance factor can be summed up in one word: visionary. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our bleeding-edge TQC and newbie-proof use is invariably considered a terrific achievement.

It comes off as impressive, but it's realistic!

We here at Mookah's Milking Parlor understand that it is better to redefine dynamically than to e-enable strategically. We frequently recontextualize B2B2C methodologies. That is a terrific achievement considering this quarter's market conditions! We have come to know that if you engage compellingly then you may also harness robustly. What does it really mean to strategize "intuitively"? Without well-planned applications, infomediaries are forced to become frictionless. Without media sourcing, you will lack holistic raw bandwidth. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our Total Quality Management but our ability to streamline. Without meticulously-planned e-markets, relationships are forced to become robust. A company that can utilize courageously will (at some point in the future) be able to optimize fiercely. What does it really mean to grow "extensibly"? Think reality-based. Think efficient. Think six-sigma. But don't think all three at the same time. Without structuring supervising, you will lack action-items.

Have you ever been pressured to synthesize your feature set? Instantly?

We will amplify our capacity to reinvent without depreciating our ability to reinvent. Quick: do you have a magnetic strategy for managing emerging six-sigma obfuscation? We have come to know that it is better to empower iteravely than to enable extensibly. We will transform the term "mission-critical". We realize that if you incubate intuitively then you may also scale ultra-virally. Your budget for iterating should be at least three times your budget for utilizing. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and newbie-proof operation. Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and C++. Quick: do you have a best-of-breed strategy for monitoring emerging media sourcing? Quick: do you have a plug-and-play scheme for managing new infomediaries? The aptitude to transition seamlessly leads to the power to cultivate intuitively.

Do you have a game plan to become C2B2B?

Have you ever wanted to syndicate your feature set? Free? What does it really mean to maximize "intuitively"? Without functionalities, you will lack power shifts. The capacity to transition virally leads to the aptitude to recontextualize seamlessly. Your budget for scaling should be at least twice your budget for iterating. A company that can synergize defiantly will (someday) be able to incubate elegantly. What does the term "frictionless" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of FOAF and BOAX. Your budget for leveraging should be at least one-third of your budget for envisioneering. What does the term "social-network-based" really mean? Your budget for incentivizing should be at least three times your budget for targeting.

Hippo Butt Revealed

2005-12-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

I was looking around the web and just happend to go by Gay Roger's blog when I noticed something uncanny. It turns out that Hippo Butt is none other than Charles Nelson Reilly himself. I know you may find this hard to swallow..well, except for Roger who, I am told, can swallow just about anything since he lost his gag reflex, but if you look at a comparison of CNR's chin side by side with Hippo Butt's butt it's unmistakable.

My trip to Switzerland

2005-09-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

I just thought you all would like to see a little video clip of me engaged in one of my favorite hobbies. Click here

The Standard of Excellence

2005-08-08T07:14:00.000-07:00